"Words of Love"

[Bob_the_Bartender]

Dear Fellow Dark Shadows Fans,

Ol' Willie Loomis was as quick as "Neon" Deion Sanders in placing those expensive earrings in Maggie"s purse today.

Maggie looked so beautiful as she admired those five thousand dollar earrings on her lovely earlobes in the mirror.  Of course, the perpetually-pragmatic Ms. Evans told Joe that she was just as happy "with a good book or a box of candy for a gift."  

Don't believe it, Joe!  I think that the late, great Mama Cass Elliot had it right with her rendition of the late John Phillips classic song: Words of Love

"Words of love, so soft and tender
Won't win a girls heart anymore.

If you love her then you must send her
Somewhere where she's never been before.

Worn out phrases and longing gazes
Won't get you where you want to go, no!

Words of love, soft and tender,
Won't win her. "

So, Joe, take it from me, next time you're driving over to the Evans cottage for your date with the lovely Ms. Evans, try popping an eight-track cassette of the Mamas and the Papas into your Ford Bronco stereo system and reflect upon Mama Cass' sagacious words of advice.

Sincerely,

Bob the Bartender, author of the "Ask Bob About Love and Romance Column" in the Collinsport Star.

[Raineypark]

Horse Hockey, Bob......I never got an engagement ring from my husband and I'm still married to him after 20 years!!! (Though, come to think of it....he did buy me the most WONDERFUL First Edition I wanted for my last birthday!)

What Joe REALLY needs is to do is stop sulking and grimacing, and acting like a brat because Maggie loved the earrings.

If Maggie only knew where they came from she'd have had her earlobes sterilized!

Rainey

[Bob_the_Bartender]

Dear Raineypark,

Call me a cynic, but aI think that Norma Jean Baker got it right many years ago with her sultry rendition of "Diamonds Are A Girl's Best Friend."  (Just ask Anna Nicole Smith, Kathie Lee or Lady Kitty Hampshire, for that matter.)

Sincerely,

Bob the Bartender, who subscribes to the maxim: "No money, no honey!"

[Raineypark]

Gawd!!  What a cynic!!

I know the good Brothers didn't teach you to think like that Bob!

Maybe an ex-Mrs. Bartender with a good lawyer?

Rainey

[Bob_the_Bartender]

Dear Raineypark,

On the advice of my counsel, Anthony R. Petersen, Esq., I wish only to say, "No Comment!"

Sincerely,

Bob the Bartender, who thanks the good Lord that he does NOT live in the great state of California!