Hey gang,


Just wondering, but do you think that by now, Jeff has made other sleeping arrangements for himself?  It seemed strange enough when old Sam Evans was still alive and with us, but it really seems awkward for Jeff to be staying under the same roof with Maggie now that her dad is no longer there.

And, just what does Jeff's fiancee (and future old lady) Vicky have to say about it?  Of course, Maggie's "fiance," Joe Haskell, has other "things" to occupy his mind now, so he's pretty much out of the picture.  

Nevertheless, I can just imagine how that coxcombical Captain Von Trapp, Nicholas Blair, must feel about the younger and (dare I say, better looking) Jeff Clark hanging around the Evans cottage.  It's got to be cramping Nicky B.'s style.  ("Hey, Jeff, don't let the door hit you in the keester on your way out," Nicholas must be saying.)

Sincerely,

Bob the Bartender, who reminds you that two's company and three's a crowd.  (Unless, of course, you happen to be in the City of Lights!)

Hey gang,

These are some especially inspired literary works for the good Dr. Hoffman to comtemplate writing.  I particularly enjoyed: "Men Are From 1795;Women Are From 1967," "Dude, Where's My Coffin," and, of course, Connie's extremely kind and glowing words of praise for Julia's "All the Men Who Want Me."

By the way, Connie, I find it fascinating that you're affiliated with the Selby Institute For Tantric Awareness.  Tantric Awareness, is that possibly like the ancient concept of "Tantric Sex"?

I understand that the normally reserved Roger Collins still laments the fact that he and his former wife, Cassandra Blair-Bouchard, never had the occasion/opportunity to engage in some wild, uninhibited "tantric sex."  And, as far as Dr. Lang's "super" man-made creation, Adam,  is concerned, well, we can only imagine how enthusiastically the big guy would have thrown himself into some "tantric sex" during some romantic, rainy afternoon in his West Wing room.

Sincerely,

Bob the Bartender, card-carrying member of the Legion of Decency.

PS The SpellCheck feature does not recognize the word "tantric."  Perhaps, "tantric" shoud now be added to the dictionary.

Dear Raineypark,

I'm glad that I was able to be of assistance with your nettlesome loss of sleep problem.  Heck, I'm known to be better than Ambien in putting people to sleep!  

You know, I've always wondered how Julia (among other DS characters) can get a full, restful night's sleep after sitting/sleeping in that uncomfortable looking wingback chair in the Old House drawing room.  I'm surprised that she doesn't need an adjustment from Collinsport only chiropractor, Dr. Sammy Subluxation, the next morning!

By the way, try thinking  of Nicholas Blair singing "Adelwies" to Maggie Evans as they dine at the Blue Whale Tavern.

Dear Scout75,

I'm glad that you broached the compelling question of Nicholas Blair's hair.  Do you remember the great Dick Tracy comic strip and cartoon show?  Well, the late, great cartoonist (and Dick Tracy creator), Chester Gould, had an arch villain named "Flat Top" in the comic strip.  He looked remarkably just like Nicholas Blair, same flat, Kansas wheat field look on the top of his dome.

I have to wonder if Nicholas took a hot steam iron and literally flattened the follicles on the top of his head.  I don't want to say that Nicky B.'s coiffure is too stiff looking, but I have to believe that the Royal Navy could safely land and take-off one of its VTOL's, Vertical Take-Off and Landing air craft on top of Mr. Blair's noggin!

Sincerely,

Bob the Bartender, who finds serenity in whistling "How Do You Solve A Mystery Like Maria Conchita Alonso" during the day.

Hey gang,

Have you noticed that when Nicholas Blair smiles (or, as I like to describe him as, an oleaginous fop), that he shows both his upper and lower sets of teeth?

I haven't seen such a (as Eddie Murphy would describe it) big-"fanny" smile since I saw Wally-Gator in those wonderful Hanna-Barbera cartoons of the1960's.

You know, with that sporty hat and those seemingly omnipresent gray gloves, Nicholas sort of also looks like a preening, narcissistic Captain Von Trapp.

Somehow, I just can't see the pretentious Nicholas, hanging out at the Blue Whale, downing a few brewskies with  Bob Rooney and Sheriff Paterson.

Sincerely,

Bob the Bartender, beer lover and regular guy

Hey gang,

The technical crew on Dark Shadows probably had enough difficulty in placing all of that phony green-colored grass carpet on the "grounds" of Collinwood.  (I just love the way that Maggie, Vicky, Jeff, Adam, etc. always find a way to accidentally pull the grass/carpet up off of the ground/floor with their feet.)

Can you imagine how incredibly phony if they had put down that white-colored snow carpet that our parents used to put around the base of the Christmas tree?

And, speaking of the festive observation of the birth of the baby Jesus, I think that the acid-tongued Roger would readily quote his favorite fictional character and say:

                           "Bah Humbug!!!"

Bob the Bartender, whose favorite holiday is St. Patrick's Day, where the Irish proudly march up Fifth Avenue and then proceed to "up-chuck" as they march back down Third Avenue.  (I should know, I've been there, done that!)

Lindsey,

My God!  They still have the ACT's?  Man, I thought that they went the way of the Volkswagen Beetle and Look Magazine.

As I recall, colleges and universities in the Midwestern portion of the US utilized the ACT rather than the SAT, which was used by East coast and West coast schools.

I wonder how Carolyn, Willie and especially Buzz Hackett would do on either of those exams?  (I guess we all know that the cerebral Vicky and the "super genius," Adam, would have aced out on either exam.)

Sincerely,

Bob the Bartender, a fellow who made Stanley Kaplan just a bit richer.

Dear Scout75,

Well, on behalf of my sex, you must know how we men are, generally, such fools for love.  We don't always act in a mature, cooly dispassionate, reasoned manner.

Just look at the actions of the late Prince of Wales, Frank Gifford or Quentin Collins for that matter!

Sincerely,

Bob the Bartender, who wishes that we could all act as rationally as Joshua Collins or Mrs. Hyacinth Bucket's (pronounced "Bouquet") role model, Mrs. Councilor-Nugent