Hey gang,

As a public service (and, as the 1897 storyline regretably nears its denouement), I would like to review the specific rules of the Ten Commandments, that the Rev. Trask has flagrantly violated during his time at Collinwood:

Vl.  Thou Shalt Not Kill.

Initially, the Rev. Trask enlisted the services of Evan Hanley, long-time attorney and semi-proficient practitioner of the Black Arts, to "program" Latin teacher Tim Shaw in a Manchurian Candidate-like murder of Minerva Trask, the reverend's diffident and kindly wife of many years.

Later, the reverend, in a last, desperate attempt to maintain control over Collinwood, strikes a deal with a particularly feckless fop to "off" wife number two.  Clearly, the Rev. Trask has broken this commandment.

Vll.  Thou Shalt Not Commit Adultery.

Whew!  Where do I start with this obvious moral transgression?  The "randy" reverend has hit on just about every woman in and around Collinsport.  To quickly review this extensive list, we have: Rachell Drummond, Dorcas Trilling, assorted lonely but wealthy widows, and, of course, one very voluptuous young woman by the name of Ms. Amanda Harris.

Can we ever forget the Rev. Trask's all-too-obvious and transparent offer to "mentor" Ms. Harris in her hour of "spiritual need"?  I mean, how disgusting was it to see this over-the-hill and over-sexed coot hit on this beautiful and beguiling young woman?  And, haven't we all seen this sordid and shameful scene played out before on a much larger stage?  (I wonder if "Gregory," being the incurable romantic that he is, also, ever sent a copy of Walt Whitman's book of poetry, "Leaves Of Grass," to his comely "charge," Ms. Harris?)

Vlll.  Thou Shalt Not Steal.

You really have to admire the reverend's gradual "progression" of thievery as he continually violated this commandment with increasing skill and cunning.

Initially, the reverend was content to cheat teachers Rachell Drummond and Tim Shaw out of some of the meager wages owed to them as employees of Trask's school, Worthington Hall.

Later, the reverend "graduated" to ripping off lonely and affluent widows of their financial assets.  Of course, the Rev. Trask hit the big time when he conned Judith Collins into marrying him, thereby, giving him spousal control over Collinwood and its vast financial empire.

Trask's proficiency in defrauding people reminds me of some words of advice that Professor "Lombardi," my college auditing professor, gave us many years ago.  Said the CPA to my class:  "Ladies and gentlemen, if you're going to commit fraud, never steal anything small.  If you are going to risk serious time in a federal penitentiary, always go for the large amount!"  Somehow, I think that Professor "Lombardi" would have approved of the scope of the Rev. Trask's lack of probity.

IX.  Thou Shalt Not Bear False Witness Against Thy Neighbor.

Remarkably, the Rev. Trask only violated this commandment once, when he tried to set up the learned but vainglorious Tim Shaw for the murder of the first Mrs. Gregory Trask, the mother of the formerly frigid Charity Trask.

X.  Thou Shalt Not Covet Thy Neighbor's House, Nor His Wife, Nor His Maidservant, Nor His Ox, Nor His Ass, Nor Anything That Is Thy Neighbor's.

What can I say about this commandment?  Is there anything that the Rev. Trask has NOT coveted/lusted after?

Given time, I suspect that Lady Kitty, Beth Chavez (if she had lived) and just about every other attractive lady in the entire state of Maine would have been a potential conquest for Dark Shadows' own version of Tartuffe.

In conclusion, I think that the Rev. Gregory Trask (who, by my count has broken, at least,  five of the Ten Commandments) is, arguably, the most loathsome character ever to appear on Dark Shadows.  I mean, Gregory Trask even makes Jason McGuire look like Father Flannagan, by comparison!

If Trask continued on with his ignominious behavior, there would have been the necessity for two more commandments, specifically:

XI.  Thou Shalt Not Consort With Disciples Of The Devil.

and

XII.  Thou Shalt Not Plot To Drive Thy Wife Bananas, Or, Failing That, "Offing" Thy Old Lady.

Bob the Bartender, who wonders if the Sci-Fi program "Scare Tactics" (hosted by the vivacious Shannon Doherty) will have as long and succesful a run as "The Dream Team" (hosted by the mysterious Annabelle Gurwitch and that guy with the extremely bad hair style)?

Joe Integlia,

Ah yes, the late, lamented Allen Ludden (a/k/a Mr. Betty White), the "Gabriel Collins of Game Show Hosts" (at least, as far as Dark Shadows fans are concerned).

( "Shh!  The password is...quisling.")

Bob the Bartender, who, to this day, cannot watch a repeat of Password on the Game Show Network.

Happy Birthday Cassandra!

If you glance over at the George Washington Bridge, you'll see me waving at you from the "Joisey" side of the Hudson River!

Bob the Bartender, who thinks it's more than mere coincidence, that while the grand and majestic Statute of Liberty is facing New York City and is holding her torch proudly as the great ocean liners of the world enter NY harbor, that that same great lady, has her "caboose" pointed towards New Jersey.  What an insult!  What an infamita!   

Hey gang,

As a former altar boy, I much prefered the old Latin Mass too.  If you recall, those of you old enough, the priest (plus the two altar boys) stood with their backs to the congregation sitting in the pews. (Unlike today's modern Mass, where the priest and the altar boys, and, now altar girls, face the congregation in their pews.)

Let me tell you, this was a big advantage to both the good father saying the Mass, and the altar boys who had to remember all of those Latin responses.  I don't think I'm being disloyal to all former altar boys of a "certain" age if I now let everyone know, that we sometimes had a Latin response "cheat sheet" tucked in our shirt pockets under those clean white cassocks!  Manys the time (particularly with a priest in Count Petofi's age bracket) that we could always be ready when the priest said: "Dominus Vobiscum," and we shot right back: "Et cum spiri tu, tu, o!" without missing a bit.

Of course, if "Fr. Mooney" had had a particularly "rough" evening the night before, the fact that he could face the blank wall behind the altar (and, not face the observant 'kissers" of his congregation), meant that, in all likelihood, the good father could conduct the service with having to endure what we sometimes referred to in those days as a "Catholic contretemps"!

One final note, I recall that Sr. Cordes informed us, that the wine used in Holy Mass would be only 2% proof (at most).  Sr. Cordes went on to explain that if they used any more potent wine, the poor priest might start teetering up their on the altar, what with having to say the 8:00 AM Mass without any breakfast beforehand!

Bob the Bartender, who vehemently denies the vicious rumor that every altar boy, at some time or other, ever sampled that 2% proof wine back in the sacristy when no one was watching.  A  complete falsehood!!! 

Sheenasma,

I read with great interest your comment about Lara Parker's recollection of an apparently "frosty" working relationship between herself and Darren McGavin on the set of "Kolchak."

I remember hearing Burt Reynolds relate to Johnny Carson, during one of Burt's many and very funny guest appearances on the "Tonight Show," that, regretably, he and his fellow co-star Darren McGavin did not get along very well on the set of their 1960's series, "Riverboat."  (I wonder if Mr. McGavin got along with Melinda Dillon and young Peter Billingsley on the set of the wonderful "A Christmas Story"?)

And as to Ms. Parker's appearance on "Kolchak," I remember that it originally aired only a few years after "Dark Shadows" went off the air.  So, at the time, I was particularly interested in seeing Ms. Parker, once again, portray a seductive and deadly practitioner of the Black Arts.  What can I say, the episode was, for me, a big disappointment after seeing Ms. Parker as Angelique on "Dark Shadows."

Of course, this is a very subjective matter.  While some fans love this witchcraft-oriented episode, I prefer the episode in which Kolchak is on the last voyage of that decrepit "love boat," that just happens to have a werewolf among its passengers!

Bob the Bartender

Hey gang,

Okay, so Charles can't literally create living, breathing people by "conjuring" them up on his artist's canvas anymore.  Nevertheless, when you consider the wealth of knowledge that Charles has undoubtedly accumulated over the years, wouldn't Charles make the perfect art teacher for young and aspiring artists?

In fact, Charles could share his considerable artistic knowledge/tips with an enormous class/audience of students.  That's it!  Charles could replace the late, beloved Bob Ross of PBS on that "Adventures in Painting" TV show.

Of course, Charles would have to grow a thick beard and let his lustrous head of hair grow out into an Afro.  But, I think that Charles could pull it off.  I can almost see Charles "conducting" a televised class on landscapes right now...

"Okay, everybody, we'll mix some azure blue right up there with those thick white cumulus clouds over that big old mountain.  The combination of light blue with white makes a beautiful and striking contrast, just like the beautiful and striking contrast of my piercing blue eyes with my formerly luxuriant flaxen-golden hair."

I'm sure that you will agree that C.D. Tate could prove to be an enormous inspiration for young people who are intent about honing their nascent artistic skills.

Bob the Bartender, former John Nagy Learn to Draw student.

       

Jennifer,

If the truth be told, if Ben Affleck traded bodies with Michael, Eric, or, for that matter, any other member of the Douglas family, the comely Ms. J.Lo. would probably catch the first train smoking out of town!

Bob the Bartender, who thinks, after watching the stunning Angelique and the dazzling Aristede in that cave today, wouldn't they have made the perfect couple to walk out on the stage and present the award for "Best Narcissist" at the Academy Awards the other night?