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Messages - Bob_the_Bartender

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1441
Current Talk '03 II / Re:DS run on SciFi to end Dec. 30
« on: October 24, 2003, 02:06:34 AM »
Hey gang,

Here's a brief list of the classic science fiction/horror television shows that the cerebral cretins (in their "infinite" wisdom) over there at the Sci-Fi Channel have pulled the plug on, over the years:

1. Lost In Space
2. Sightings
3. The Time Tunnel
4. Beauty And The Beast
5. Voyage To The Bottom Of The Sea
6. Land Of The Giants
7. The Invaders
8. Star Trek (The original one, that's been relegated to, I believe, 6:00 AM, EST on Saturdays.)

And, now, our beloved Dark Shadows is set to packed away on some dusty storage racks with the likes of "Manimal" and "Max Headron."   What can I say, but with "friends" like the programming department at the Sci-Fi Channel, we certainly don't need any enemies.

Bob the Bartender, who laments, "Et, tu, Sci-Fi Channel?"

1442
Calendar Events / Announcements '03 II / Re:Three Possible New Homes For DS
« on: October 24, 2003, 01:44:34 AM »
Quote from: Gerard on October 23, 2003, 06:49:02 PM
I'm hoping for the Horror Channel to give DS a home (and then hoping our cruddy cable system wil carry the Horror Channel - we don't even get the Cartoon Network).  TV Land, unfortunately, cuts a great deal out of the shows they air in order to slam in more commercials; entire original scenes vanish.  Sometimes as much as 20% of an episode will be excised.  Since DS sometimes packed stuff into an episode to the point of not being able to run end credits, I'm afraid TV Land would butcher it so we can be subjected to as many Geico Insurance and Dell Computer commercials as possible.

Gerard (Who Is Still In A State Of Shock About The Announcement And Hasn't Absorbed It Yet)

Gerard,

You know it's disconcerting enough to learn of the Sci-Fi Channel's plan to pull the plug on Dark Shadows, virtually on New Year's Eve.  (Yeah, the Sci-Fi Channel, purveyor of "superb" original movies, featuring the likes of Antonio Sabato, Jr., Angie Everhardt, and the "next Marlon Brando," the renowned Richard Grieco!).

Yet, the prospect of Dark Shadows episodes being edited on TV LAND, so that they can air even more of those Dell Computer commercials, with all of those smarmy college interns is just too much to take!  What's next, the triumphant return of Steve, the Dell Computer dude?

Stop the cable TV insanity!  Jesus, Mary and St. Joseph, I can't take it anymore!!!

Bob the Bartender, who hopes that "Scare Tactics" bombs as miserably as did that loathsome "Dream Team" Sci-Fi show.

1443
Current Talk '03 II / No Play For Mr. Gray!
« on: October 23, 2003, 10:59:22 PM »
Hey Gang,

In watching Lamar Trask's feckless attempts to win the affections of the fetching and nubile Roxanne Drew, I'm reminded of a recent TV commercial for Just For Men hair coloring.

In the commercial, we see former NY Met first baseman Keith Hernandez and former NY Knick guard Walt "Clyde" Frazier providing play-by-play commentary on the "action" at a trendy New York singles bar.   A guy, with graying hair and beard, approaches a beautiful, young woman at the bar and says hello.  The woman takes one look at the fellow's Phil Donahue-like "hair style" and gives him the quick brush-off.

"Ree-jected!" both announcers exclaim.  "Clyde, that's got to hurt," opines Hernandez.  To which the always alliterative "Clyde" Frazier responds, "Yeah, no play for Mr. Gray!"

The reason that I mention this somewhat amusing commercial, is that it reminds me of the love-starved Lamar Trask's pathetic attempts to "woo" Ms. Drew.

Lamar should realize that these May-December relationships rarely work out.   Let's face it, Lamar is a guy in, at least, in his mid-forties (and he looks it with those graying sideburns!).  And, the lovely Roxanne Drew is a lovely, young lady of maybe twenty-five years or so.  What can they possibly have in common?

You don't have to be Nostradamus or Joyce Jillson to predict that the romance between the forty-something Demi Moore and the twenty-something Ashton Kutcher is probably not going to make it.

Similarly, you didn't have to be "Sex and the City's" romance columnist, Carrie Bradshaw, to know full well, that the fifty-something Bill and the then barely-twenty-something Monica, were not destined to join the ranks of such great romantic couples of Napoleon and Josephine, and J.Lo and Ben, IMHO.

So, maybe Lamar should forget about pursuing Roxanne and look for a nice lady in his own age range.  In fact, you know, how you see that other guy with the gray hair, interfacing via the internet (and "fibbing'"about his hair color), with that beautiful, dark-haired woman before a date?   Well, maybe Lamar could "interface," via the mail, with some very nice lady mortician.

I can see it now, Lamar and the lady mortician (aptly named Prunella Wockenfuss) schmoozzing over a couple of hot toddies on their first date at the Eagle Tavern.

"Well, Prunella, where do we go from here?" inquires the smitten director of the Trask Memorial Home, his hair now as jet black as Elvis Presley's.  To which the charming lady "corpse valet" replies, "Your embalming room or mine?"  Ah, romance!

1444
Calendar Events / Announcements '03 II / Re:Red Sox vs. Yankees
« on: October 17, 2003, 04:13:38 PM »
Jennifer,

What can I say, but that (soon-to-be-former Red Sox manager?) Grady Little left Pedro Martinez in there for much too long.  (I suspect that Grady Little and current Met manager "Autopilot" Art Howe, were separated at birth, sort of like Danny DeVito and Gov. Arnold in "Twins.")

Well, as a long suffering Met fan, I echo the lament of the world's most famous amateur-saxophonist and say, "I feel your pain."

Bob the Bartender, President of the Mephistopheles Fan Club.

1445
Calendar Events / Announcements '03 II / Re:Red Sox vs. Yankees
« on: October 16, 2003, 04:41:44 AM »
Quote from: Mysterious Benefactor on October 16, 2003, 04:09:52 AM
Don't you mean in his cryogenic canister?  [wink2]

(Actually, references to Mr. Williams are quite appropriate to this current DS storyline. Not to get too graphic, but Mr. Williams' body had to be beheaded before the freezing process took place. The whole business is a fairly large scandal around here.)

Hmm, Ted Williams, Walt Disney, Judah Zachary, Michael Jackson (?).  Who's next, Ben Stokes or Eric Lang?

When the renowned Tom Carvel (founder of the Carvel Ice Cream Company and creator of those delicious Carvel Ice Cream Cakes), passed away, David Letterman quipped that the priest at Mr. Carvel's funeral had to keep his eulogy of the famed ice cream man very brief.  "You see, explained David Letterman, "they had to get the funeral service over in a hurry before Mr. Carvel's coffin started to melt right there in the main aisle of St. Patrick's Cathedral."

1446
Calendar Events / Announcements '03 II / Re:Red Sox vs. Yankees
« on: October 16, 2003, 04:02:53 AM »
Quote from: Gothick on October 15, 2003, 08:33:58 PM
Jennifer, dear, you really don't want to know the things your posts do to my depraved little brain.

"Clinched the wild card" sounds an awful lot like "doing the wild thing" to this kid's ears.  And you really don't want to know (or maybe you do) the image I get from those big men going down 0-2!!! (I guess it leaves 69 in the dust???)

Hope your team wins big hon,

Steve (the bus driver informed us last night as we were approaching Manchester NH that the Sox were losing 3 to 1, I think--he was listening in on his little radio, I guess)

Jennifer,

Only one more game to go.  Hang in there!!!

And, Steve,

Wow, Ted Williams must be spinning in his grave!

Bob the Bartender, who recalls what comedian (and lifetime Yankee fan) Robert Klein once had to say about the late, great Babe Ruth (rumored to have contracted every social disease in the book): "Yeah, the Babe's 'predilections' give new meaning to that official, Major League Baseball slogan, 'Baseball fever, catch it!'"

1447
Current Talk '03 II / Re:Queer eye for the dead guy....
« on: October 15, 2003, 04:17:36 PM »
Quote from: Cassandra Blair on October 06, 2003, 10:36:59 PM
Bobubas - I love it!  Never thought I'd see the day when the Cubs could be tied into a Dark Shadows reference!

Rumor has it that the bespectacled Chicago fan who interfered (disastrously, as it turned out) with Cub outfielder Moise Alou's attempt to catch that fly ball last night, under that Cub hat and sporting that Sony Walkman, was none other than the loathsome Lamar Trask!!!   

1448
Calendar Events / Announcements '03 II / Re:Red Sox vs. Yankees
« on: October 09, 2003, 01:21:13 AM »
Quote from: Gothick on October 08, 2003, 11:33:02 PM

Talking of news, the word from California is really quite frightening.  I'm going to Canada on Friday and I really wish I did not have to come back.

Rumor has it that Gov. Schwarzenegger is Yankee bench coach (and former Red Sox manager) Don Zimmer's nephew!

In another six degrees of Dark Shadows separation, David Collins' favorite Red Sox player is said to be Sam "Mayday" Malone, former star reliever for the 1960s' Red Sox.

Good luck, Jennifer!!!

1449
Current Talk '03 II / Re:IMHO - Why Sci Fi Might Be Pre-Empting DS most of October
« on: October 06, 2003, 03:36:00 AM »
I read somewhere that Tim White is now the lead anchor man on the local nightly news for one of the Cleveland, Ohio TV stations.

You can bet that Mr. White gets down on his knees everyday to thank the good Lord, that the Sci-Fi Channel finally (and mercifully) pulled the plug on Henry Winkler's opus, "Sightings," IMHO!!!

Current ABC News national correspondent (and former "Sightings" reporter) Carla Wohl must be also jumping for joy that her in-depth reports on "alien abductions" and "spontaneous human combustion" are no longer seeing the light of cable television daytime, so to speak!

Bob the Bartender, who believes none of what he hears and half of what he sees (except for everything that was ever presented on "Geraldo").

1450
Current Talk '03 II / Re:Barbara Steele
« on: October 06, 2003, 02:14:40 AM »
Quote from: Gothick on September 29, 2003, 11:01:01 PM
About 8 years or so ago there was a rumor that Barbara, Martine Beswick, and Mary Woronov were going to portray a trio of vampire actresses of a certain age who roamed the corridors of various fan conventions literally feeding off their admirers.  I'm sorry that never seems to have come to anything--I thought the idea sounded really rich!

THE Martine Beswick of "Dr. Jekyl and Sister Hyde" fame, a true cinematic masterpiece!  Hub-a, Hub-a!!!

1451
Current Talk '03 II / Re:Queer eye for the dead guy....
« on: October 04, 2003, 03:48:41 PM »
Quote from: TERRY308 on October 04, 2003, 01:06:47 PM
He should have have a bathroom...

There's Willie, working all day, and Julia, she's at your house quite alot.  Come on Barnabas, give them a break.

I second TERRY308's practical (yet, extremely all-important) suggestion.  You know, it's one thing if Barnabas is currently one of the "living dead," schnoozing comfortably (and "undisturbed") in that coffin all day.  However, during the not infrequent times that Mr. B. is "mortal," well... he must hate like hell to have to get up in the middle of the night to observe nature's call, schlepping out to that outhouse behind the Old House.

And, let's face it, neither the mortal Barnabas nor Willie Loomis are getting any younger.  So, their nocturnal "trips" are undoubtedly going to become more and more frequent with the passage of the years, IMHO.


Bao the Bartender, who says, that you can never have enough "johns" in the morning (or, for that matter, in the middle of the night!).
 

1452
Current Talk '03 II / Re:Pre-emption blues
« on: October 04, 2003, 03:28:59 PM »
Quote from: Raineypark on October 04, 2003, 12:46:41 AM
Quote
In fact, I would have liked to have seen the show's wonderful host, Kitty Bartholomew (sp?), (who's, always sporting that lovely and lustrous Lily Munster-like black and grey streaked hair of hers,).......

[lghy].....My husband thinks she's the scariest-looking woman on television.

Quote
Or, how about that truly ugly-arsed, chimerical gargoyle that Timothy had displayed so prominently on his living room table?

But Bob.....they have gargoyles just like those on the roof of La Cathedrale De Dame de Notre......and people stand in the streets of Paris, staring upward, open-mouthed with awe at the sight of them......uh, you don't suppose the good professor stole one of THOSE, do you?  [nerv]

Raineypark,

Wow, Kitty Batholomew as the scariest looking woman on television!  Gee, there's that one humongous woman, one of the few young people on "Last of the Summer Wine," who looks as if she could hold her own against Hulk Hogan in a no-holds-barred WWF match.  I mean, she looks as big as former NY Giants lineman Rosey Grier.  What shoulders!  Don't mess with that big mama!

Can you imagine Kitty Bartholomew taking a tour of Timothy's home on her show?:  "Why, Mr. Stokes, what lovely decor you have in your home."  Yeah, like that chintzy astrolgical chart with all the symbols of the zodiac hanging over Stokes' fireplace!

And, as far as Parallel Time's T. Elliott Stokes clipping those Parisian gargoyles, I have to believe that there has to be some shred of Real Time's Prof. Stokes deep-seated sense of moral probity in PT Angelique's daddy somewhere.  Of course, the very name of Stokes itself denotes integrity!  (Then again, I originally thought that 1797's Nathan Forbes was a good guy, and we all know how he turned out, don't we?)

Bob the Bartender, who believes that the late, great Will Rogers, who said: "I've never met a man that I didn't like," apparently, never met either Gregory Trask of Jerry Springer. 


1453
Current Talk '03 II / Re:Pre-emption blues
« on: October 03, 2003, 11:44:41 PM »
Quote from: Raineypark on October 03, 2003, 06:24:36 PM
Sorry to disappoint, Bob.....but unless the gang shows up on an episode of "If Walls Could Talk" or perhaps "Divine Design" on the Home and Garden Channel, the chances of me catching them is slim to none.....

Barnabas: Heliotrope, damn it!! I said Heliotrope!!! Can't you tell the difference between Heliotrope and Lavender?

Quentin: Perhaps not, but I can tell the difference between Art Noveau and Arts and Crafts, you dilettant!!

 ::)

Raineypark,

Well, when I'm not enjoying the latest eisode of "The Division" on the Lifetime Channel, I must admit that I enjoy watching "You're Home!," on the H & G Channel.

In fact, I would have liked to have seen the show's wonderful host, Kitty Bartholomew (sp?), (who's, always sporting that lovely and lustrous Lily Munster-like black and grey streaked hair of hers,) take a tour of the late PT Timothy Stokes house on her show.

Just consider how Kitty would have been greatly impressed by Mr. Stokes' eclectic collection of such intriguing curios as that American Indian figure, affixed to the door leading into Roxanne Drew's secret "sleeping" chamber?  (Where the heck do you think Timothy got that thing?  Probably at one of those tacky gift shops on the Atlantic City boardwalk, IMHO.)

Or, how about that truly ugly-arsed, chimerical gargoyle that Timothy had displayed so prominently on his living room table?  I tell you, if I woke up in the middle of the night to make a "pit stop," and saw that darned thing in the middle of the room immediately after flicking the light on, I might not safely make it into the "water closet," if you get my drift!

Bob the Bartender, President of the Cindy Piccoli Fan Club! 

1454
Current Talk '03 II / Re:Hooray for Hortense!
« on: October 03, 2003, 05:50:24 PM »
Quote from: The Ghost of Sarah Collins on October 02, 2003, 06:20:58 AM
My Thanks Mr. Bob...I have given them your best wishes,  Magda knew you were going to say that, Beetlejuice mentioned having saved something for you in his coat pocket... for later?,  and Casper is off with that Wendy Witch again.

Dear Ms. Collins,

Ah yes, the delightful Mrs. Magda Racosi, one classy and timeless lady!

And, as to Beetlejuice, well, all I can is, if we had more Beetlejuices in the world, there'd be far fewer Gabriel Collinses in the world, IMHO.

Later!

Bob the Bartender

1455
Current Talk '03 II / Re:Pre-emption blues
« on: October 03, 2003, 05:40:40 PM »
Dear Ms. Blair,

Well, since Dark Shadows is now on "hiatus," I'v set my vcr (at ep speed, of course!) to record some of the other new daytime shows.

And, let me tell you how much I'm enjoying watching Regis Philpin's new competitors, Alexandra Wentworth and Jack Ford on "Living It Up!"  (Although, by the ratings, it would appear that I'm one of the few people people in the United States actually "living it up" with Mrs. George Stepanopoulos and the former Fordham Law School professor!)

By the way, how do you think that the host of the highly prestigious ABC Sunday morning national public affairs program really feels about his comely wife shaking her booty and trying to act like the second coming of Lucy Ricardo on a nationally syndicated talk show?  (Me-thinks, that the former Clinton White House advisor is none-too-pleased about his wife's "kvelling" on television.)

I do hope that "Living It Up" does remain on the air.  In a quick ratings grabber, maybe Ali and Jack could have Jonathan Frid, KLS, David Selby, Lara Parker, John Karlen, etc., as guests on the show?  Heck, I know for sure that they'd get Raineypark, Gerard, CastleBee, RobinV, Birdie and yours truly (among so many others), as regular viewers for as long as they strolled down Dark Shadows memory lane!  (Who knows?  Maybe Jack Ford watched Dark Shadows religiously while he was in college?)

Well, please excuse me now.  There's a particularly exciting episode of "Walker, Texas Ranger" coming on, and I have to set my vcr , so I don't miss a single minute of this truly compelling and important TV show!

Bob the Bartender, TV-Land addict!!!   

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