That's a great list of the inevitable infirmities (and indignities) of the aging process.
How about waking up in the morning, turning on the t.v., and seeing that there's a particularly compelling episode of "Quincy, M.E." on Cozi-TV? And, after watching the seemingly perpetually irascible Dr. Quincy solve a medical mystery, he's followed by Los Angeles paramedics Cage and DeSoto on "Emergency"? It's too bad that "Matlock" isn't on Cozi-TV also.
Oh, yeah, I recently went to see the "Happy Together Tour" at the Count Basie Theatre in Red Bank, NJ. The show featured such classic 1960s acts as The Cowsills, The Classics Four, The Association, Gary Puckett and The Turtles, featuring the always upbeat and uproariously funny Professor Mark Volman. Let me tell you, there wasn't a single person in the audience under the age of sixty, maybe even seventy. (The smell of Ben-Gay was in the air.)
And, speaking of Mark Volman, the husky Turtle with the enormous mop of now-completely gray hair, he said to the audience (just before all of the performers joined into sing, "Happy Together"), "We're all thankful that you came out tonight to see us old f@rts playing the same music after more than fifty years."
I noticed that many of my fellow male, middle-aged concert-goers made a hasty, if not desperate, beeline to the men's room just as the the musical performers took a break during the show's intermission, just like how the aged Joshua Collins, Daniel Collins and eventually Roger Collins, no doubt, all made hasty trips to those never-seen Collinwood "water-closets."
Come to think of it, Quentin Collins must have experienced an unbelievable shock, when the evil Count Petofi switched bodies with Quentin. I mean, literally overnight, Quentin went from being a healthy, handsome and robust 28-year-old to a decrepit, incontinent, arthritic and flatulent 150-year-old man! Alas, we never got to see how Quentin coped with this shocking change of life, very much like how we never got to see how Barnabas, man of the 18th century, was able to so easily adjust to all of the modern conveniences of the 20th century, when he first showed up at Collinwood.
You know, someone should take the trouble to cite all of the changes and physical indignities Quentin had to contend with after Count Petofi performed his amazing mind/body switch. Maybe someone did list the Q-Man's" change-of-life" experiences? I guess that I'm getting too to remember if someone actually did.
Bob, the forgetful bartender.
