Touched By An Angelique

[scout75]

INT/HOUSE BY THE SEA-NIGHT

(ANGELIQUE lounges on a big comfy divan in her flowing white gown. BARNABAS COLLINS kneels down before her, looking more disheveled than immaculate--puncture marks are on his neck.)

BARNABAS: I cannot believe that I have been reduced to this.

(Angelique looks down, making sure that Barnabas is doing a good job of painting her toenails.)

ANGELIQUE: You're doing a lovely job, my dear. And if you would have just done this occasionally when we were married, everyone you love would have lived long and happy lives.

BARNABAS: Really?

ANGELIQUE: Everyone but Joshua and Abigail...but, no--you couldn't get your mind off fragile little Josette. So now everybody's dead.

BARNABAS: All because I wouldn't paint your toenails in 1795?

ANGELIQUE: I was never really very good with rejection. Obviously. You know...the whole killing-your-family-and-cursing-you-to-walk-the-night-for-eternity thing.

BARNABAS: I wish I would have never come here tonight.

ANGELIQUE: Like Nicky didn't know your little dinner party wasn't just a lame excuse to get him out of the house...

BARNABAS: My plotting skills have went to mush since I've been cured of my affliction.

ANGELIQUE: They were never that good to begin with, my dear.

BARNABAS: Why can't you take up with Jeff Clark?

ANGELIQUE: I did for a while. But he tasted funny. And Joe Haskell just isn't foppish enough.

BARNABAS: How could he be? He isn't a Collins man.
ANGELIQUE: By the way, Barnabas...I have set a terrifying plan in motion to keep your friend, Julia Hoffman, busy for quite a while.

BARNABAS: What have you done?

ANGELIQUE: Like everything else I do, it's evil while at the same time fairly pointless. You see, I've recruited two girls from New Jersey. They will constantly hound the good doctor, claiming to be representatives of the telephone company. They will say that the doctor owes them money. She will say that they are full of shit.

BARNABAS: Well...it makes as much sense as the frickin' Dream Curse.

ANGELIQUE: Quiet, you! Now go out to the kitchen and fix me a Long Island Iced Tea.

BARNABAS (pained): Oh, why?  Why must I spend eternity trapped as your--

ANGELIQUE: Man-bitch?

(Barnabas heaves a defeated sigh as he heads for the kitchen. Angelique stretches out on the divan, content and victorious.)

ANGELIQUE: Dear Barnabas...he'll come around and love me. Even if it kills us both. Oh, wait...it already did.

(Angelique breaks into diabolical laughter.)

END

[VictoriaWintersRox]

LOL! That was a great scene! I've found all the ones you've posted to be very funny

[RingoCollins]

another beaut! ~ They were never that good to begin with, my dear. ~ LOL! ~ very believable!  

[Cassandra]

Very good Scout75! You really have a knack for this!
Thanks for the laughs!

[Connie]

BARNABAS: I cannot believe that I have been reduced to this.

(Angelique looks down, making sure that Barnabas is doing a good job of painting her toenails.)

This is hysterical.  

ANGELIQUE: By the way, Barnabas...I have set a terrifying plan in motion to keep your friend, Julia Hoffman, busy for quite a while.

BARNABAS: What have you done?

ANGELIQUE: Like everything else I do, it's evil while at the same time fairly pointless. You see, I've recruited two girls from New Jersey. They will constantly hound the good doctor, claiming to be representatives of the telephone company. They will say that the doctor owes them money. She will say that they are full of shit.

OMG.  I'm sittin' here minding my own business, reading this little gem, and I see THIS!  ROFL
Nope...I'm never gonna live it down.  Think I'll move to Canada, or maybe even Arkansas.

-CLC
Never realizing until this day, that I was an unwitting player in one of Angelique's diabolical schemes.

(Oh yeah, and now that I've learned my lesson, I'll never post my little encounter with Angelique in the ladies room at the 2001 Fest).

[CandleLighter]

very good!

[ROBINV]

Painting her toenails?  LMAOPIMP!  You are so talented!

In truth, I suspect that if Ang had Barn on his knees, there would be another, far more intimate, task she would have for him.  

"Keep that tongue working, Barnabas!"

Love, Robin

[VAM]

In truth, I suspect that if Ang had Barn on his knees, there would be another, far more intimate, task she would have for him.  

"Keep that tongue working, Barnabas!"

Love, Robin

Robin,

 I am too young for this x-rated stuff!   So "palor games" are being conducted at Collinwood...

[Carol]

(Oh yeah, and now that I've learned my lesson, I'll never post my little encounter with Angelique in the ladies room at the 2001 Fest).

Forgot about that! Now that you let the so-called "cat" out of the bag, go ahead--make my  day.

Just in case, I'm unplugging the phones

[Carol]

Enjoyed your story very much.

For a minute, tho, I thought Barnabas may have picked up a trick or two from Fergie and added toe-sucking to his repertoir.

[scout75]

"Keep that tongue working, Barnabas!"

What is this?! Dark Shadows or Boogie Nights?!

[TERRY308]

Painting her toenails.  That was priceless.  

[jennifer]

Painting her toenails?  LMAOPIMP!  You are so talented!

In truth, I suspect that if Ang had Barn on his knees, there would be another, far more intimate, task she would have for him.  

"Keep that tongue working, Barnabas!"

Love, Robin

OMG Robin you are making me[blshy]
How naughty of you!

jennifer

And connie Do Tell!

Wow see what you started scout My favorite scene in Bull Durham is when Kevin C is painting Susan S's toenails OMG

[scout75]

Never realizing until this day, that I was an unwitting player in one of Angelique's diabolical schemes.

Dearest Connie:

We are all just simply unwitting players in Angelique's diabolical schemes...

[ROBINV]

on Today at 9:20am, ROBINV wrote:
"Keep that tongue working, Barnabas!"

Scout said:
What is this?! Dark Shadows or Boogie Nights?!

The Boogie Nights took place in Martinique, and oh, baby, do I wish we'd been given a flashback to THAT!

Love, Robin