An Enduring Dark Shadows Mystery

[Bob_the_Bartender]

Dear Fellow Dark Shadows Fans,

Throughout our nation's history, Americans have been equally fascinated and confounded by many enduring mysteries, perplexing mysteries such as:

             The puzzling disappearance of the settlers of the so-called "Lost Colony" of Roanoke Island, NC. in 1587.

              The truly mystifying disappearance of the great American aviator, Amelia Earhart, over the waters of the Pacific Ocean in 1937.

              However, perhaps the greatest mystery of all occurred back in 1968:  After Willie Loomis kidnapped Maggie Evans and imprisoned her in the secret room of the Collins mausoleum, just what did Maggie do, when she had to go "potty"?  I'm not kidding!  For 34 years, this great DS mystery has tormented me.  I can't begin to tell you how many sleepless nights, not knowing the answer to this question, it has cost me.

As our friend and very insightful colleague, Gerard, has pointed out in the past, there seems to be a dearth of "water closets," not only in Collinwood, but in every other house or structure in Collinsport, ME.

So, maybe ol' Wilie installed one of those "port-o-johnnies, that are frequently seen at construction sites and at outdoor concert events, in the secret room for the "comfort" of anyone who happened to be "occupying"  Barnabas' former resting place.  Can you think of any other "solutions" to this enduring Dark Shadows mystery?

Sincerely,

Bob the Bartender, who fondly remembers that card in the game "Clue," which says: "Go to the bathroom and take someone with you."

[ClaudeNorth]

Hmmm...perhaps they were all so anal-retentive, they had no use for such facilities...

Regards,

John

[Raineypark]

Never mind the mausoleum.....what about the little cell where they kept Maggie and Adam in the basement of the Old House?  

Don't remember any 'facilities' down there either and Maggie was there for weeks on end!!!

Has anyone ever asked any of the actors if they ever discussed that little 'problem' amongst themselves on the set?  It must have been hilarious!

Raineypark

[CandleLighter]

I don't know the answer to this mystery... but I sure wouldn't want to open the lid of that coffin!  

[Bob_the_Bartender]

Dear CandleLighter.

Yes, I think that we can all appreciate how "irritable" Barnabas must have been, after nearly 172 years of confinement, when Willie opened that coffin in 1967!

Bob the Bartender

[scout75]

How can anyone on the great estate use the facilities?

After all, the Adam storyline is in the crapper most of the time and stinks everything up in its wake!

[RingoCollins]

enduring mysteries, perplexing mysteries such as:

  the so-called "Lost Colony"

  The disappearance of Amelia Earhart,

got to add to the list:

What ever happened to Greg the Bunny?

and now,

WHY did they close PEEP-O-RAMA?/

[kuanyin]

They didn't have to. Ever. It is kind of along the lines of the women's makeup being perfect at every moment of the night or day, without ever being taken off or applied.

What a shocking moment it was in t.v. history to actually HEAR the clink-whoosh in the Bunker household!And there WAS a movie that showed Jane Fonda on the pot, was it "Bob and Carol and Ted and Alice"?

But in Collinwood? NEVER!

[jennifer]

Hey i would not survive for five minutes Bob!
but i did have a scary experience the other day at Fenway
Park when i went in the men's room by mistake!

jennifer

[tripwire]

lol  that look of horror on willies face when he opened that coffin wasnt from being scared        

[Cassandra]

Im still trying to figure out who DRESSED Maggie back then when she was being held captive by Barnabas? Someone had to get her all dolled up in that wedding gown.

[Dr. Eric Lang]

And there WAS a movie that showed Jane Fonda on the pot, was it "Bob and Carol and Ted and Alice"?

I believe the scene in question was from the movie "Fun With Dick and Jane," co-starring George Segal.

I agree that nobody in Collinsport ever had to use the facilities, just as they always had perfect hair and makeup when they were awakened in the middle of the night.

Not that I relish any discussion of the matter but they certainly missed out on a few opportunities to capitalize on their time travel adventures. Imagine Barnabas arriving in 1967 and seeing a urinal in the men's room of the Blue Whale and wondering what the heck it was. Burke or someone would have to tell him.

Innocent little David might have inspired an expository exchange with Barnabas while visiting his favorite old haunt, the Old House.

David: Excuse me cousin Barnabas, but I need to use the bathroom.

Barnabas: Well I'm afraid we don't have one here, David. You see I wanted to restore the house to its original condition, and we  . . . I mean they didn't have indoor plumbing back then.

David: Then where did you go?

Barnabas: Well, the men folk usually just strolled out back into the woods. The women of the household had chamber pots that were emptied by their maids.

David: In that case, excuse me while I run out to the woods.

Barnabas: Watch where you step!

[Bob_the_Bartender]

Dear Jennifer,

I feel your pain.  However, there's nothing more embarrassing for a guy than to be, how should I put this politely, "standing" in front of the urinal in a crowded men's room at the ball park or in a nightclub, only to have some "determined" women (obviously unwilling or, more likely, unable to wait on the crowded line into the ladies room) come sauntering into the men's "loo" to use the generally uncrowded stalls.

Believe me, it's rather difficult to maintain your male dignity as the ladies enter and exit the "head."  I'll bet that if Barnabas ever had to put up with this in the men's room at the Blue Whale, he'd positively want to "I-Ching" his way back to the more genteel times of the 18th century!

Sincerely,

Bob the Bartender

PS Congratulations on the Sox's acquisition of Cliff Floyd.  Would you believe that there are absolutely jealous Yankee fans down here in the Big Apple who think that they should have gotten the talented Mr. Floyd?  Talk about baseball chutzpah!!!  

[murph]

There are several instances in the storylines thus far that I wondered how the character used the facilities.
a few of these not yet mentioned....when Vickie was held hostage by Matthew the caretaker in 1967.  More recently when Vickie was held hostage by Adam then Nicholas.  Also when Barnabus was bricked up for several days in the basement of the old house.  

Speaking of Barnabus (who along with Angelique have always been my favorite DS characters)  Ok he gets out of the coffin after 172 years then the next thing we know he shows up at Collinwood to meet his family.  Where did he get the money to buy his new clothes?   Surely he wasn't buried with a wad of cash in his pocket.  And even if he had it would have deteriorated in the almost 200 years.  He also looked clean so where did he shower?  Maybe he went to the bank and took out the money he had deposited 172 years before.  That is if the bank was still there.

Obviously,  there really aren't any answers to these questions.  One of the great things about the show is that I can leave reality behind for the 45 minutes it takes to get through the episodes I taped that day.  (I fast forward through commercials)

[jennifer]

Thank you Bob !

jennifer
the men's room at Fenway park i think was built when Barnabas first lived! porta pottys look better!