This Is The Way We Wash Our Whites (At Collinwood), So Early In The Morning!
Dear Fellow Dark Shadows Fans,
You know, there have been times that I've taken a clean load of whites from the washing machine, and thrown them into the dryer, only to forget all about them and ticked off the next person who wants to use the dryer. (I'll bet you've done it yourself out there. Come on and admit it!)
Well, as we've all seen, Carolyn has been sneaking food up to Adam in the West Wing. I got to thinking about how Carolyn also has the sole responsibility of providing Adam with clean pillow cases, bed sheets, clothes and underwear, etc. (Just who else is going to do it?)
I can see Carolyn sneaking down to the Collinwood laundry room in the basement of the great house. However, what with Carolyn having so much on her mind: her Mom is in the hospital, her uncle is down in the dumps over his second failed marriage in a row, and, let's face it, the nubile Collins heiress has lately been experiencing a largely lousy love life of her own, that it's not inconceivable that Carolyn absentmindedly left Adam's Jockey underwear in the dryer.
Okay, the seemingly perpetually querulous Mrs. Sarah Johnson goes down to the laundry room to put some wash in the dryer. To Mrs. J.'s surprise, she spies some undies in the dryer. Mrs. Johnson grabs a rather large pair of men's shorts with both hands, holds them up to the light for a better look, and exclaims incredulously, "Jesus Christ, whose freaking drawers are these!?!"
Mrs. Johnson tries to determine just who is the owner of these "king-sized" undies. They're too big for Roger or young Davey. And they're too big for her no-good-account son, Harry, she reasons. (Mrs. Johnson eliminates Barnabas and Willie for the same reason.) And, then, like an epiphany, it hits her! "Vicky must be washing all of these shorts and t-shirts for that stout gentleman, Prof. Stokes, who she's recently become friendly with!" And, so, an "uncomplaining" Sarah Johnson dutifully folds each and every piece of underwear, and leaves them neatly stacked on the nearby laundry table for Miss Vicky to pick up whenever she finds it convenient to do so.
It's like Dark Shadows' version of either "The Donna Reed Show, " or "My Little Margie."
Sincerely,
Bob the Bartender, an avid admirer of that "Domestic Goddess," Roseanne Barr (or whatever her current last name is!).
